And now, for something completely different at our and your Closet… life and love within Second Life®.
I rarely write nor talk publicly of my personal feelings about SL, people, life and/or love inworld. And today I’m going to.
As a SL resident since 2007, I only had one relationship inworld. We can call it a love relationship, yes. And this is what I’d like to share with you all.
Unless you actually know the person – first life – there is no such thing as love in SL. It’s simply not possible for many reasons. The first being, we don’t know who is that person we think we are in love with. So, it’s all meant to end, from the start.
I guess it’s alright when you want to have a fling or a short term relationship. But something is very wrong when we look for love inworld; or if you prefer, a long term relationship.
I mean, yes, you can look for company, you can look for somebody to be with you; but that’s not love. I mean, it isn’t real.
Or, assuming we are talking among mature people, cybersex. (There, I said it. And I have absolutely no problem with cybersex or those who are into it, I personally am not.)
So, this is my personal story in SL.
When I joined SL it was clear to me that I wasn’t looking for love – and I still don’t. SL represented to me quite a challenge, in terms of what a web platform is; and huge one, by the way. Lots of things to learn from building, to scripting, to… modeling yes *smiles*
Day after day, month after month – as you know time runs faster in SL than in real life – I didn’t have anybody to have a “serious” relationship with; I wasn’t hit on, as a female avatar. Absolutey nothing of this kind happened to me. So I have been single, which is absolutely fine with me. I spend hours and hours logged in SL on my own, doing my own stuff.
Talking to so many of my good friends in SL, some of them female others male, I was stunned when they told me that the minute they are single, lots of people start hitting on them. You should see my expression, in real life, sitting at my desk, in front of my pc; eyes wide open and thinking “why on earth??” or “no way!!”
That’s because I’ve been single for so long that it doesn’t even cross my mind to start hitting on somebody, just because they are single.
So, yes I dated once ( a date, really – I went out with a guy, we danced and talked; not much really) and last year I had a “relationship”. Obviously, it didn’t last and it was all ups and downs. When I now look back, logically, it all made sense. It still does. How can we fall in love with somebody we don’t even know, somebody that so many times doesn’t even have the decency of voicing with you or showing their face on skype?
And it keeps happening, all over SL, with some of my friends. But at the end of the day – every day – I wonder why do we allow ourselves to get hurt?
Very well, let’s play the “game”. In SL, we can get married, partnered, whatever in this realm of emotions. And it’s a game, actually. If we play it right, SL emotions just stay in SL.
However, is this what happens? Do we get personally affected by what happens inworld? Of course, we do! In this sense, it’s a dangerous “game” to play! People are getting hurt, for real!
What to do in these situations? I learned the hard way:
*never ever allow yourself to get emotionally involved with someone without having his/her face spread all over your Skype. Some people will throw every excuse they can get at you: “I don’t have skype installed, I don’t have a microphone, I’m in a place where I can’t use skype, I don’t have a webcam“. And excuses will pop up like popcorn in the microwaves.
If you find a person like this, run away as fast as you can!! *laughs*
They will probably show you their real life photo, to ease your curiosity. “Here is my photo” and you go like “wow, you’re handsome!” Yeah, right!
Really? So, no skype, no voice, no webcam, and one real life photo that can be googled or chosen among the several family member photos?!?
Are these people for real? Yes, they are. It happened to me! I bet it has happened to so many of you, as well.
Protect yourselves from this kind of people, if you are after something that is real.
Yes, it can be real withing SL. The unfairness of this all is when someone really attracts you or someone shows a particular interest in you, and both parts are “playing” differently, if you know what I mean.
The first thing I’d do, if I found myself in such a situation (again) is to make clear I don’t play “games” inside the game.
I’m a real person, that has a real life, sits at the computer (mine is a desktop one) and at the end of the day, logs out SL and goes to bed with a clear conscience.
Live my SL as I live my real life; be true to myself and others; and most of all, never ever act in a way that can potentially harm or hurt anyone, romantically speaking.
Am I a moralist? Religious person? No, not at all! If I were, I’d tell you and it would be my choice. But actually, I’m not!
My point is… this has to be fair for everybody. If you are the type of person – as I am – that is in SL like in real life, make sure that the person, who you feel strongly about, has the same presence in SL. Make sure the person shows you his/her face, voice, real presence.
If not, it’s okay to “play” emotionally in SL, as long as both people are having the same thing going on.
Just like real life, SL is a huge web platform where people are actually there, behind each computer. It’s a place for human beings.
What we see is an avatar. Wether this makes sense or not, the real personality shines through the avatar; through actions and through words. So, beware, not to get hurt.
That’s all I’m saying.
I’m not being judgemental; not at all.
Just make sure that if you ever get emotionally involved with somebody in SL, you are both on the same page. If it’s just a “game”, it should be the same for both. If it’s more than just a “game” – as it is for me – also make sure the other person has the same thoughts and feelings as you.
And skype, skype a lot. It’s free *laughs*
If there’s somebody in your SL that interests you beyond the game, please make sure to skype with the person.
No excuses at all! They don’t have a mic, ask them to get one, a cheap one, but get it.
Have them get a webcam. See the person.
If they don’t do this within a week or less, it’s better you end whatever is going on and save yourself from a lot of trouble, hurt and deceit.
Actually, I’d like to know how you feel about this; so if you’re comfortable with sharing, please do *smiles*